Wooosh.

Nakakatamad.

Bilang isang estudyante, magic word ko yan.

Ewan ko ba. Ngayon lang ako tinamad ng sobra sa mahigit 11 taon ng pag-aaral ko. Nung 2nd year, hindi pa masyado e. Pero ngayon, grumabe na talaga. Kahit may exams pa bukas, 2 pa lang naaaral ko. Tapos, hindi pa tapos yung isa. Tapos, aral-aralan lang yung isa. May isang subject pang dapat pag-aralan. Pero nakakawalan ng gana.

Sabi nila, contagious disease daw ang katamaran. Tama yun para sa'kin. Kasi, pag tamad yung teacher, tamad din yung estudyante.

Sa totoo lang, parang wala akong natututunan ngayon sa school.

Kung yung mga matatalino sa'min, pinagtyatyagaan ang self study sa hindi pagtuturo ng karamihan sa mga teachers, ako naman, NO STUDY ang inaapply.

Good luck naman sa grades ko noh.

Lalalalala.

Nafeel ko lang magpost ngayon.

Ang dami ko palang kabobohan sa buhay noh? Well, tama nga sila. Nobody's perfect. Kung sila, nalolost count sa pagbibilang ng tutubi na kumakain ng apoy, at kayo ay nahuhulog sa paglalambitin niyo sa hanger, ako naman..

Eto, tamad pa rin.

Siyempre, wala ulit konek. Sabi nga nila, walang perpekto sa mundo. Kaya kung ako sa inyo, wag na kayong magbasa dahil wala itong kakwenta-kwenta.

Buwan ng Wika ngayon kaya dapat magFilipino. =D

Ang bahay nila Cheska.

-Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, si Cheska ay isang butihing kaklase ko since First Year. (mahirap magsalita/magtype ng full Tagalog e. Sabi nga nila, nobody's perfect.) Siya ang "mother" ng klase kaya bahay niya, bahay ng lahat. Araw-araw silang may bisita. O buwisita. Kung gagawa naman ng mga projects or magkakaroon ng meeting para sa isang school activity, parating sa bahay nila ginagawa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero dahil mayaman sila at maraming pagkain at ayos lang sa magulang niya at may alaga silang unggoy at marami silang alagang hayop at cute si Tusha at masarap ang pancake nila, parating nagkakaisa ang mga tao na dun manggulo.

Katangahan #1: May project kami sa MAPEHrwisyo at kagrupo ko si Cheska. Obviously, dun kami sa bahay nila para na rin makikain ng tanghalian at merienda. Tatlong taon na kong nagpupunta sa bahay nila. Pero nung Tuesday, BINGO! Naligaw na naman ako. Mahirap lang akong bata, wala kaming kotse kaya sumakay lang ako ng trike. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero bigla kong pinaliko yung pilot at nakarating ako sa Pedro P. Cruz Elementary School na ayon sa Quintessence, "Pepenians" daw ang tawag sa mga mag-aaral nito. BINGOng pangalawa. Dahil nga mahirap lang akong bata, wala akong barya. At BINGOng pangatlo. Ayaw maghanap nung pilot ng mapagbabaryahan nung pera ko. Oha! Buti na lang, may binatang nagmagandang loob para pabaryahan yung pera ko. Salamat sa kanya, solb na ang problema. Ang galing lang kasi bago ako umalis, biglang umasta yung binata ng "ate, pengeng singkwenta." Dahil nga mahirap lang akong bata, nginitian ko na lang siya.

At nagsimula na naman ang paglalakbay ko. Siguro, mga 15 minutes akong mukhang tangang patawag tawag sa telepono ni Cheska na hindi naman sinasagot kaya 15 minutes din akong mukhang tangang pabalik-balik na naglalakad. Ang hirap pala ng ganun lalo na kung hindi ka pamilyar dun sa lugar. Hindi mo alam kung saan ka titingin, kung dun ba sa kamay mo dahil hawak mo ang cellphone mo o dun sa paa mo dahil baka makaapak ka ng jebs.

After 15 minutes, thank goodniss. Nahanap ko rin ang puno sa tapat ng bahay ni Cheska kung saan nakatambay ang unggoy nila.

Ang Foundation Day sa Mandsci.

Katangahan #2: Hapon na nun. Foundation Day sa school namin. May program pa sa gabi. Manonood ako, siyempre. At siyempre, hindi pa ko nakakapagpaalam sa nanay ko. Walking distance lang ang bahay ko sa school. Kaya naman umuwi muna ko para magpaalam.

Ang saya ko nun. Habang naglalakad kasi ako, nakita ko yung crush ko. Binati pa niya ko. Oooooh.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, sakto. Nakaalis na nanay ko. Pumunta sa bahay ng friend niya kasama ang kanyang circle of friends. Sayang. Nagugutom pa naman ako nun. Hihingi pa sana ko ng pera pangkain. Kaya, tinawagan ko na lang siya sa cellphone. Pwede pala yun. Umuwi pa ko ng bahay. Nasayang ang Adenosine Triposphate sa katawan ko na pinaghirapang iproduce ng mga mitochondria ng cells ko na ayon sa Oxidative Phosphorylation, ang coenzymes daw na NAD+ at FAD ay nagsisilbing carrier ng protons at electrons sa *ano bang Filipino word ng form? Basta, yun na yun.* form ng Hydrogen atoms para sa Electron Transport chain. Mahaba pa yan pero puputulin ko na dito dahil nagdudugo na ang ilong ko. Pero proud ako dahil may natutunan din pala ko sa Bio.

Pabalik na ko ng school. Dahil nagugutom ako, bumili muna ko ng shake.

Tatawid na sana ko. Umaambon. At dahil nasabik ako sa shake na hawak ko at feeling kong mag-iiba ang lasa niya pag naambunan, umiinom ako habang patawid. Ayun. Muntik na kong mabangga ng kotse. Half inch na lang siguro yung layo ng tagiliran ko dun sa sasakyan. Sayang. Di natuloy. Ganda pa naman nung kotse. Luxurious.

Pyro Olympics 2005.

-Napakamemorable nito. Nastuck kasi kami sa traffic sa may Makati kasi last day na nung program. Sakto pa, nagkaroon ng sunog somewhere sa Makati kaya doble traffik[O. Makabagong Filipino yan.]. At sobrang memorable niya talaga. Kasi, wala kaming napanood. Kaya naman, napag-usapan na lang ng angkan ko na kumain na lang sa madadaanang restaurant para hindi naman masyadong nakakasama ng loob. Dapat kasi, ibblowout kami ng tito ko sa isang hotel. Nalimutan ko lang kung saan. Sa Heritage yata e. Yun nga lang, nauwi kami sa Teriyaki Boy sa may Glorietta.

4 hours kaming nasa sasakyan nun. 4 hours kaming nakipagsiksikan sa jampack na mga sasakyan. Kaya naman, palakas ng palakas ang boses ni Inang Kalikasan na tinatawag ang pangalan ko.

Katangahan #3: Pagdating namin sa TB, dumiretso agad ako sa CR. Sobrang wiwing wiwi na ko nun, kaya siguro kahit nakita ko na yung drowing ng lalaki at babae sa pintuan, yung pintuan pa rin ng lalaki yung nabuksan ko. Buti na lang, may poging poging mama sa loob para pigilan ako at sabihing, "miss, dun ka sa kabila. Hehehe."

Buti na lang pogi siya.

Marami pa kong kwento para diyan. Pero sabi nga nila, walang perpekto sa mundo kaya wala na kong masabi. Isa pa, wala na kong masyadong matandaan.

Bata pa ko. Kaya lang, hindi ako perpekto.

Konek?

Ice Cream.

Iba talaga dito sa Pilipinas. Kung kelan dapat isuspend ang klase, hindi sinususpend. Kung isususpend man, late na. Kung kelan dapat may pasok, saka walang klase. Sabi nga ni Tolete, "kaya hindi umuunlad ang bansa natin e."

Siyempre, walang koneksyon ang intro ko dun sa topic.

Sa ibang bansa, kilala tayong mga Pinoy bilang mga Fine English Speakers. Pano ba naman hindi magiging ganun? E dito sa'tin e hinihintay ka talaga ng taong magkamali habang nagsasalita ka. Sino ba namang hindi macoconcious dun diba? Sabi ng iba, negative thing daw ang masyadong pagpuna sa kapwa. Oo nga naman, you should mind your own business. Meron din namang nagsasabi na nakabubuti daw ang masyadong pagpuna kasi naiimprove yung kailangang iimprove.

Well, kung ako ang tatanungin, either good or bad, masayang pumuna ng mga taong nagkakamali, lalo na sa pagsasalita ng Inggles. Sabihin niyo ng masamang tao ako dahil ganun. Pero kung nag-aaral ka sa school ko, maiintindihan mo.

Hahahaha!

1. Nagdidiscuss ang teacher namin. Ang topic niya ay tungkol sa proper waste disposal. Nasa category kami ng burial:

"In burial, when they bur… Kapag nililibing nila yung basura nila…"

Oha! Umatras. Nalimutan yata ang rootword ng burial. Napaisip din ako dun.

2. Nagbibigay ng pointers to review ang teacher namin. Dictation.

"Describe what happen when a light rays passes from glass to air as a medium."

Nakaugalian na rin naming magdasal bago mag-umpisa ang klase niya. Pano kaya 'pag umasta siya ng "repeat after me" prayer? Susundin kaya siya ng mga kaklase ko kahit mali-mali na?

3. Nasa discussion namin ang barter system ng Egypt.

"Ipinagpapalit nila ang isang bagay para sa 2 kilo of golds."

Huh? 2 kilos of gold diba?

4. Dictation ulit. Tungkol sa soccer.

"…also known as Pipa."

"Sir? Ano ulit? Pipa? Instrument yun diba?"

"Instrument ka diyan. Yung Pipa. Ep-ay-ep-ey."

Others are included in the palowing.

Pare-parehong scenariong discussion lang naman to e. Kaya ililista ko na lang.

-I'll base the report on the reporters.
-Animals are <b>abondant</b>.
-X(egs) of 1 minus X(egs) of 2.
-It's just a matter of a common sense.
-Trianggol.
-Ebor Aptor.
-Gogol.
-Evidences(ividences).

Madami pa yan. Nalimutan ko yung iba. Nasa kaklase ko kasi yung notebook na listahan namin.

Pasensiya na po, katuwaan lang. Walang personalan.

=D

Walang pasok kahapon at ngayon.

"I came to the point wherein I dared someone to push me off a cliff, just to see if I'm strong enough to fly."

Too much of pride and confidence. And in the end, I was broken.

For the person involved, if you're reading this and if you read what I gave you last Saturday, then you already know what I'm talking about. As you said, time wasn't enough. And so the papers I gave you. Well, it is, maybe. For those issues stated there. But words are relentless, so as for what I feel.

I'll make this short. I'm soooo lethargic.

Thank you kasi you care. I was really moved when you told me you want me to move on, want me to forget things, want me not to feel things you felt when you were involved in a relationship when you were still young. I know our ideas are paradoxical, and for me, it goes to show not in a way that we weren't really supposed to be together but to prove that we are different individuals. And having differences is having different feelings on things. Maybe it was really remorseful for you having experienced being "attached" at a young age. But for me? It was fine. Frankly speaking, tama lang ang lahat nung tayo pa. Hindi ako ipit. Hindi ako hirap. At siyempre, LEGAL. Yung nga lang, I was too dumb to put you into an unreasonable state of being unforgiven for a moment. And I'm really sorry for that.

Now, I'm hopeless.

Post.

MORE THAN 6 PEOPLE.

1. HER. She's a good friend of mine. She isn't the typical girl that gets the fun she deserves. Not that she doesn't have the chance but it's like, she's one of the few who do not take the million opportunities for self compensation. Only a hundred, I guess. So I am really astounded everytime she does things a regular teenager does.

2. SOMEONE. The second person I spent almost half my life with *excluding my family*. My auntie, lola, mother, sister and best friend. Very loquacious and strident. One of the most audacious and toughest people I know. But as they say, even the sturdiest tree can be broken down by a man.

3. HIM. We're not that close but he's my friend. A song chum of mine and he's one of those whom I share my everyday laughters with. Everyone says that he isn't really a "hottie". But his smile strikes me a lot that I usually notice myself smiling back even if it's not for me.

4. SOMEBODY. I think it's peculiar to find it hard to make friends with this somebody. I don't know why but, something holds me back everytime I try to make this so-called "move". And another thing. There is profundity in his eyes that whenever he looks at me, I feel so away from reality.

5. THEM. An infamous group at school. This is another I-don't-know-why thing: I am scared of them. Maybe they're just that superior or something so I feel like, I need to back off everytime I see them at the school's hallways. BREATHING'S NOT ALLOWED.

6. NOBODY. My ideal person. He is my knight in shining armor. He saves me from a bad day and makes me feel that tomorrow's going to be fine. He never makes me his priority but still manages to make me feel so valuable. He is vulnerable yet, man enough to accept his missteps and weaknesses. He is willing to accept whatever changes that comes his way and tries to catch up with the things people got used to. He is someone I can rely on, someone who will look after me when I falter and fall, and afterwards, he'll give me the strength to cope with my uncertainties on my own.

"New people are only new for a day. After that, they're just people."
-THE PERFECT MAN

Trying.

Another day for all of us. But today sure is better than the past days. Well, for me.

And really. Life must go on. Whether we like it or not, some pages in our story are better left unsaid and be forgotten in some way than just keeping them alive, making us feel the same pain over and over again. But I had to admit, this is harder than hard as you think. I mean, you kind of forget them sometimes, then after a while, you'll find yourself reliving the memories. It's more painful because you'll be waken up in the middle of dreaming and you'll evoke that you can't have them back.

One of the direst things you'll ever know is that, people somehow stopped missing you. But there must be something, right? Something that can put things back the way they were. Something that must've hindered it from happening. But, if what happened is the best way to be done, then, leave it there. Who knows? I mean, we're not yet at world's end. Maybe, everything will be made up someday. Not now.

The truth.

I entered a world counterfeited by my thoughts, thoughts that tell me not to open my eyes to the fact that I feel this twinge badly. And now, I am baffled with how I should feel.

I'm sorry if you can't understand what I'm saying or something, but it's tough for me to express this thing. But I'll try. I'm sure it's better this way. I mean, being honest.

Frankly speaking, I never thought this would be a big deal for me. I was aware it's gonna happen, I was ready. Assurance was something I believed I had but then, I lost it.

What I had was more than a settled and lingered instant. And all of a sudden, movement stopped and everybody stopped for more than the length of that moment. And then, it was gone.

Crappy.

I have lots to say. So random that I don't have any idea where and how to start. Hope you'll understand if this falls grungey from your expectations.

Oftentimes, I think of death. I think of people's death. Something that says something like, "Will I ever know if he/she is? But how? I'm out of reach right now. Is he/she gonna tell me?"

Am I gonna die soon? Or someone I know is going to?

Totoo ba na "'Pag gusto, maraming paraan at 'pag ayaw, maraming dahilan?" Lots of times, gustung-gusto ko ng isampal sa isang tao yang linya na yan.

Peste.

But I can't. Congratulations to Little Ms. Goody-too-shoes. Minsan nga, naiisip ko, "Sino ba siya para ganyanin ako? Sino ba siya para hayaan ko siyang ganyanin ako?" But whatever I do, or whatever that person does, nothing can make me show how mad I am with something he/she did. No matter how mad I am, I keep on pretending I don't.

Poor people around me. They get to receive the anger I feel about him/her.

It's really weird to have 5 people apologize to me in a day. But the truth is, I don't care anymore! I don't care you're sorry! It's already done. And will saying the hidden magic word bring back time and avoid what you did wrong from happening? No one is perfect anyway. No doubt you'll do it again. So, what's the point of saying sorry?

I can be mean sometimes. Just like this morning.

It's 11:30 am and I was still asleep. My sister entered the room to get something and I guess she forgot to close the door. Our helper's friends were at the living room, talking, and one of them was very, very noisy. And surprise! She woke me up with her irritating loud laugh. Parang wala ng bukas! Malademonyo. So, I went out to wash up. When I walked pass them, I looked at them with the nakakunot-ang-noo-bagong-gising-look. Then, straight to the bathroom.

Our bathroom has its sliding door. I closed.. Uhm. Err. slammed it and did my thang.

"RC, nagdadiet ka ba?"

"Ako? Diet? Yuck."

Oh well. My mom is controlling my eating habit. Grrr. Wala pa yata sa kalahati ng usual na kinakain ko yung nilalagay niya sa plato ko e. Sobrang taba ko na raw kasi. I know it's true. But it's alright for me. Classes make me lose weight anyway.

Ever wondered why the word "forever" existed? Is it only for the phrase "nothing is forever"?

I mean, everything ends. Why did people have its concept in the first place? Why didn't the ancient people just orient it as a word only applicable for God and His love?

Aside from God's love, there must be something else, right?

Swoosh!

Melancholia.

Hey guys! Wala lang. Feel ko lang magshare ngayon. Hindi na kasi ako nakakapagkwento e.

So, April 4 na ngayon. Ilang days na lang magbabakasyon na kami sa Singapore. It will be my third time to spend my summer at that country. Pero kahit ganun, parang, wala lang. Ang lungkot e. Although alam kong babalik din ako at 1 month and 2 weeks lang kami dun–something I know I should be thankful for. Normally kasi, whole summer kami nandun.

Ano nga bang meron?

Hindi ko kasi sineseryoso nung past months yung pagbabakasyon namin dun. Na parang, ok, wala lang yun, babalik din ako at sandali lang kami dun. Pero now that it's nearing, parang gusto kong bumalik sa past days na sana, I enjoyed every moment with the people I spend my everyday with.

Isipin niyo ng OA ako pero, malungkot talaga. Summer na nga lang meron tayo para magpakasaya kasama yung iba. Pag pasukan na, ipit na naman ang oras, daming ginagawa, laging busy. Tapos, lalayo pa ko. Mahirap pa dun, hindi uso ang unlimited sa roaming. Hahahh! Besides, hindi pinapadala sa'kin ng tatay ko phone ko.

Nakakapraning talaga. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Tapos, I can't see him everyday pa.

Nakakalungkot talaga.

Good luck na lang sa'kin. Sana hindi maisipan ng tatay kong magstay ako dun for good.

Fated.

I know everyone doesn't have the license to get green-eyed of other people because we will never be the owners of the guys/girls we love. But I am also erudite with the fact that it has always been in human nature to love ardently, this leading to being selfish with everything about him/her.

To the girls: Isn't it too unbearable for us to see our special someones trifling with other girls that it gives us some kind of obsession that even a single text message from another girl tears us into pieces, and it feels like what is left for us is to confront the guys or worse, beat up that girl who seemed to be messing up with us?

To the guys: Doesn't it spoil your day knowing that your someones are getting close to another guy and the next dire thing is you find yourself in a state of consciousness that they are enjoying every part of their time together?

But why is it that girls treat other guys like they've got no one to hurt and guys treat other girls as if no one's getting jealous?

"Hurt not others with that which pains yourself."
                                   -Buddha (5th century BC)

And the saying is true. I just can't figure out why majority carry on doing things to other people that when brought back to them, create this feeling of hatred to the person who has done it and pity to oneself.

But try to get over it. Causing major pain to the people around us is an inevitable thing that lots of times, we aren't even aware with what we are doing.

And the best thing to do? SAY SORRY. =D