Crappy.

May 1, 2007

I have lots to say. So random that I don't have any idea where and how to start. Hope you'll understand if this falls grungey from your expectations.

 

Oftentimes, I think of death. I think of people's death. Something that says something like, "Will I ever know if he/she is? But how? I'm out of reach right now. Is he/she gonna tell me?"

 

Am I gonna die soon? Or someone I know is going to?

 

Totoo ba na "'Pag gusto, maraming paraan at 'pag ayaw, maraming dahilan?" Lots of times, gustung-gusto ko ng isampal sa isang tao yang linya na yan.

 

Peste.

 

But I can't. Congratulations to Little Ms. Goody-too-shoes. Minsan nga, naiisip ko, "Sino ba siya para ganyanin ako? Sino ba siya para hayaan ko siyang ganyanin ako?" But whatever I do, or whatever that person does, nothing can make me show how mad I am with something he/she did. No matter how mad I am, I keep on pretending I don't.

 

Poor people around me. They get to receive the anger I feel about him/her.

 

It's really weird to have 5 people apologize to me in a day. But the truth is, I don't care anymore! I don't care you're sorry! It's already done. And will saying the hidden magic word bring back time and avoid what you did wrong from happening? No one is perfect anyway. No doubt you'll do it again. So, what's the point of saying sorry?

 

I can be mean sometimes. Just like this morning.

 

It's 11:30 am and I was still asleep. My sister entered the room to get something and I guess she forgot to close the door. Our helper's friends were at the living room, talking, and one of them was very, very noisy. And surprise! She woke me up with her irritating loud laugh. Parang wala ng bukas! Malademonyo. So, I went out to wash up. When I walked pass them, I looked at them with the nakakunot-ang-noo-bagong-gising-look. Then, straight to the bathroom.

 

Our bathroom has its sliding door. I closed.. Uhm. Err. slammed it and did my thang.

 

"RC, nagdadiet ka ba?"

"Ako? Diet? Yuck."

 

Oh well. My mom is controlling my eating habit. Grrr. Wala pa yata sa kalahati ng usual na kinakain ko yung nilalagay niya sa plato ko e. Sobrang taba ko na raw kasi. I know it's true. But it's alright for me. Classes make me lose weight anyway.

 

Ever wondered why the word "forever" existed? Is it only for the phrase "nothing is forever"?

 

I mean, everything ends. Why did people have its concept in the first place? Why didn't the ancient people just orient it as a word only applicable for God and His love?

 

Aside from God's love, there must be something else, right?

 

Swoosh!