Birthday.

January 30, 2007

A birthday. A very exceptional event remarkable enough to reminisce the years of survival–the fact that an obstinate human child goes on to become an adult despite great odds.

 

It seems most like an ending–another year, gone. But it gives rise to a review of all the things accomplished in the past year, of gains that have been made, the great teacher of experience that has enriched life, even if some of its lessons have been learned painfully.

 

No less than it is an end is that it is also a beginning. Just as looking back on the past offers a sense of accomplishment, so does looking ahead to the future inspires new goals or lets us continue striving for the old ones. Every year, we are given this wonderful opportunity to begin anew.

 

But in all this looking ahead and behind, we might easily forget to examine the here and the now. We must pause and see what we have right now. Whatever we look back upon and wish that had been, whatever we look forward to and hope for, it turns out that those things that we need most of all are here with us today. That, at this very moment, each of us is showered by blessings untold and incomprehensible. We have more than we can possibly understand all at once. In daily living, trials and tribulations threaten to overwhelm us. So on the occasion of birthdays, let us take advantage of its exceptionality–it is, after all, only 24 hours compared to the 8,736 ordinary hours in the rest of the year–to pause and give thanks for all the things that we do have; and most importantly, for all the people who support us with the gift of love, a gift given not on just one day of the year, but everyday of every year.

 

I am aware that time has truly been passing for me. And with my special day, I catapult backwards through time, like paging through a picture album from back to front. And I realize that most of the other 364 days of the year surrender themselves to the haze of half-forgotten memory.

 

Are my sacrifices worth them all? Have I done the right things? Have I made the right decisions? Are my deeds enough to please people?

 

14 years.

 

It can never be enough to tell that I know every road I take in this life's journey. I am young, inexperienced, dependent and still learning. Some may tell I can't do things on my own yet. Others may not believe in what I can do. Still, some may think I am that innocent to not weigh things equally.

 

But this I tell you: I am not an idiot to not make things right. Maybe, you can see them wrong. But whatever I do leads to something I know can make me happy. And you can never let me take those back.

 

Cheers to me!

 

Cheers to being 14!

 

Cheers to February 2, 2007!

 

 

Negativity.

January 17, 2007

Imagine a girl walking around the school. She knows every person she sees. She smiles at them, gives them a wave, says hello and everybody waves back and smiles.

 

Inside the classroom, she takes every chance to socialize with people. She goes to one corner where people listen to music, talks to them and listens too. She then transfers to a group of girls talking about girl stuff and mingles with them. A group of camwhores, singers, guitarists, nerds, calogs, everybody. And actually, she's everyone's friend.

 

It's really nice to get along with people and it's always a pleasure to be noticed by them. But she feels like something's missing.

 

Is it because she's with herself all the time? Hmm. No. In fact, she's got some company.

 

Does she feel like everyone hates her around?

 

Does she want more and more friends and still not contented with the number of people she spends time with?

 

No, no and no.

 

Why am I feeling this? Maybe, things are really changing.

 

Me. I know I've changed. But, bringing my old self back isn't what I want. I don't want to be someone lame and quiet again. I just want some stuff back to what they were. I don't know why. But I think some things aren't right.

 

Am I happy at school?

 

Am I happy at home?

 

Am I happy with my friends?

 

Yes I am. But sometimes, happiness is empty

 

Friends. I enjoy being with them. You can see it in my laughters and smiles. Those silly stories we share, some funny stuff. All those going-at-the-canteen together, those tambayans, those chika marathons. But, am I really happy? Well, maybe I'm happy with what we're doing. But I just can't find that something everyone's looking for. That thing, that kind of happiness with just being with them, even without those silliness and jokes–why can't I find it?

 

And now, the million-dollar question of why. Why can't I answer it?

 

Is it me? Or I just don't feel like I'm with them though I really am because I don't fit in?

 

That's it. I feel like I don't belong.

 

Ask why to myself again and again. Isn't there anything else to do?

 

If I really don't belong, why am I always with them?

 

Why do they call me everytime they'll be doing something or going somewhere?

 

Is it really the fact that they enjoy my company? Or they just want something from me?

 

I don't know.

 

Do I really want to know?

 

I'm not sure.

 

=(

 

First Post.

January 9, 2007

new year, new blog. nalate nga lang. =D

 

alam ko nga late na, but i know i still deserve the chance to thank everyone for the year 2006. so, thank you!

 

2006. a year to remember. maraming nangyari, maganda at hindi. maraming dumating. maraming umalis.

 

mga highlights ng buhay ko noong 2006:

JANUARY
-naging close kami ni past. haha! wala akong maisip na matino e. para kasing wala na kong maalala sa month na yun.

 

FEBRUARY
-i turned 13.
-binalik yung phone ko after a month and a half of confiscation.
-unang aminan.[ni past]
-field trip.
-nagmuse ako sa NCR meet, nakilala ko si ryan.

 

MARCH
-madalas akong umiyak sa month na to.
-naadik ako sa blog hopping.

 

APRIL
-naconfiscate ang phone ko for a week. tapos, new phone na yung bumalik sa'kin.
-family trip to pagudpod. with vigan and baguio side trips.

 

MAY
-wala naman, puro internet at texting.

 

JUNE
-nagsimula akong magblog.
-second year na ko. nagsimula ng mag-adjust sa mga tao at new surrounding.

 

JULY
-wala akong maalala e. haha!

 

AUGUST
-sabayang pagbigkas. kinaladkad ako sa harap ng maraming tao. =D

 

SEPTEMBER
-accidentally, nadaanan ko ng GM ko si ryan. haha! ayun, naging close tuloy kami.

 

OCTOBER
-very first "date" with ryan. kasama si hazel. sikreto yun e. =D
-nagstart akong kausapin nung "ex" niya, na nung time na yun, sila pa ng hindi ko nalalaman from him. haha!

 

NOVEMBER
-ayan na. break na sila! dahil sa'kin.
-unang aminan.
-hmm. my first "something". =D
-bumili ako ng new phone.
-nangyari for the first time na may dinala kong guy sa bahay para ipakilala sa nanay ko. hahaha!
[basta, masaya tong month na to.]

 

DECEMBER
-first "something" na may audience. haha!
-pagiging close "muli" with john, camae and anna.
-nagglobe ako dahil napeste sa sun. =D
-i went to ryan's house. first time na may guy na nagdala sa'kin sa house nila to meet his fam.
-full of vanity tong month na to.

 

oh diba? what a fruitful year. haha!

 

sana maging masaya tayo sa year na to.

 

cheers for a more fruitful 2007!